The Tea

8/29/2021 0 Comments

Top 10 things I learned in my 20's

Here are the top 10 things I've learned in my 20's!

[ 1 ] Life changes and how to view them.
- This is probably the most difficult thing I've learned. But learning to take control of my perspective is powerful.

Unfortunately, nothing in this life is permanent, and once you accept that you can learn to appreciate things more. And I'm not necessarily saying you can't be sad about changes, but learning to appreciate the time you previously had helps to move on and feel happier about it.

For example, a friendship could end. You can spend a great deal of time thinking about how it didn't work out and harp on sad feelings or angry feelings or how they hurt you. Or you can appreciate every person that enters your life and appreciate that time you had together. Nothing is really ours to keep forever in this world. So instead I can think, "We might not be friends now, but she/he helped me through a period of my life and I'm forever grateful to have that experience."

[ 2 ] No one actually knows what they're doing.
- When you compare yourself to other people, it's easy to get intimidating by how put together their life is. What I've learned is even the most perfect people have problems or skeletons in their closet. No one is perfect. No relationship is perfect. No marriage is perfect.

We're all figuring life out and we all have insecurities. Knowing this has helped me to not be so hard on myself.

[ 3 ] Some people have an advantage over you. And by some, I mean probably a LOT.
- Some people might accomplish things you wish to have accomplished at an earlier age. Sometimes this is because they had different circumstances than you. And that's ok! Maybe they have the resources available and you never did.

So once again, comparing yourself to people is very unfair to you. But the truth is, there is NO age limit to accomplishments. There is no rule book that says you have to accomplish certain milestones at certain ages. And I think the more people I meet, the more I realize that everyone is on their own path. We accomplish things at different times in our lives.

I felt this when it came to so many things like moving out, to having a financially stable career, even to getting baptized in my faith. I felt I was so far behind the normal, that there was something wrong with me or I wasn't doing good enough and ended up just discouraging myself more. But I now have the confidence to say all those things happened at the exact time in my life it was suppose to. And I wouldn't change a thing. I only wish I was much more gentle with myself when it came to those things.

[ 4 ] How to appreciate things.
- Not that I never appreciated time or things, but it wasn't until 2020 that I realized how to truly appreciate things.

It wasn't until I went from 40 hour working week to 16 hour working week to appreciate how I am so fortunate to have a job and money to pay bills. It wasn't until I saw for the first time the grocery stores isles wiped clean and not restocked for several months to appreciate cooking and having something to eat every day. It wasn't until I saw people dying from a pandemic that I realized I needed to be more mindful of every action I take.

I remember seeing articles of people's loved ones dying, and their family not being able to hold or comfort them because they too would get infected. It made me appreciate that my dad died in 2019 instead of 2020. Otherwise maybe the circumstance could have been even worse than the terrible it was. He was constantly in and out of hospitals. Maybe he would have always been there alone.

I really learned to appreciate the things that I didn't think much about before because it was so routine for me, but now I'm thankful everyday to have these things. It's given me a happier view point in life.

[ 5 ] You will never regret being kind.
- This is in no way me saying I am always kind haha. I am not perfect! But I can honestly say every time I've taken a mental step back and determined how to deal with a situation, I have NEVER regretted taking the more kind approach. But I have regretted taking a mean approach.

Simply when it comes to just responding to people. Maybe it's someone with a bad temper or someone treating you wrong. While you can definitely stand up for yourself, I've never felt, "Man.. I should have been more mean" No way! I have always felt more better about being kind to someone even if it didn't go the way I wanted. Or even when it comes to doing a random act of kindness. You always feel so good about making someone else feel good.

I remember one time I was in the Starbucks drive thru and the car in front of me payed for my coffee. It made my day so I asked to pay for the car behind me! And the barista at the window and the staff behind him started cheering saying how I'm the 14th person in a ROW that felt happy and wanted to pass it on to the next car. That is so insane!

Kindness is so contagious and that worker got to witness it 14+ times and was beyond excited haha. But it was really no effort at all. Yet all that made several people happy that day. I love that.

[ 6 ] Friendships don't work out. And it's not your problem.
- I've had a few friendships not work out for a few different reason in my life. And while I still care for those people to this day, I know it's for the better. I used to think that I have to be on good terms with every friend I cross paths with. But honestly? People are fighting their own battles and to my surprise I've actually had some really bad friends.

Which the funny part is, I don't really realize it in the moment. It's only after the friendship kind of comes to and end I realize, "Wait a minute.. They were actually an awful friend to me!" It kind of makes me laugh to know how oblivious I can be sometimes. But if a friendship ends, and you end up feeling happier about it? Yea.. Chances are they were not a good friendship match for you. And that's totally fine.

Sometimes people are going to find a reason to treat you wrong due to their past experiences. Sometimes they self sabotage and no matter how much you try to help, they treat you as an enemy. Sometimes they just point blankly treat you really bad.

Or maybe they make different life choices that don't align with your own morals that make you incompatible. And honestly that's totally okay. You don't have to make a good connection with everyone you come across no matter how much you want to! There's nothing wrong with you, and maybe there isn't anything wrong with them. It's just not a good match.

I'm not really one to burn a bridge, but I can also better understand when a friendship isn't healthy. I think it's important to work through things as best you can, but if it's at the point where you know it's bad, maybe it's time to reconsider the association. But most of the time when two mature adults can talk about and work through their problems, and show mutual respect to one another, you can work through the ugly. But if one refuses, that's just not your problem.

[ 7 ] Being aware of your physical health is important.
- Unhealthy weight gain happens in the blink of an eye, and all of a sudden physical activity can take a lot out of you. And I know most people reading this is laughing knowing I am only 25 and might think, "Yea wait till your 30 and see how bad it gets." which is exactly my point! I could eat fast food everyday and still have energy and motivation to go run 7 miles when I was 17. Now? What I eat greatly affects my overall energy and moods literally every day. And the thought of running is torture alone haha.

I don't like to admit, but I have notice a significant difference in my health from even just 5 years ago. The older you get, you begin to have other priorities and it's SO easy to put your health at the bottom of the list without even realizing it. I am still a pretty active person. But I have to be mindful and make sure I continue staying active and eating better because it sure makes a difference!

[ 8 ] Mental health is equally important.
- So I'm going to touch on experiences in a family environment, but mental health is important when it comes to battling depression, anxiety, and recovery.

When I was younger, I did not have the knowledge or resources as I do today. I realized therapy is actually necessary. Self kindness is so important. And understanding that this world we live in is wrong in so many ways. The normal in this world is actually not normal at all. (Buckle up because you're in for a reading)

A lot of families simply keep up with certain rules and traditions because that's how their parents raised them or that's how its always been for them. But in reality, each family line have toxic generational patterns that are learned as 'normal' from parent to child and generation after generation. But it can be incredibly damaging. And a lot of the time these people refuse to make changes and say other people are just sensitive or that's how they always do things so why should they have to change. They will find any reason to not correct their behavior or take responsibility because in their opinion it's normal. And while there is really no one way to parent, it's so important to recognize these toxic patterns so you are not passing it down you family line.

For example, maybe in your household it's so normal for parents to scream and fight or even get physical and hurt each other. So you in turn, as you get older, do this with your partner. Or another example, you watched your mother get physically abused by your father. And later you unfortunately find yourself in constant toxic relationships where your idea of real love is foggy with what you learned from your parents and you end up in the exact kind of relationship. The list of possibilities could go on. So what I've realized is we are all incredibly affected by the example our parents set for us. Or maybe because of these examples, you end up treating the ones you love wrong, or you raise your children the exact same way that hurt you as a child.

"When we learn to UNlearn these things, we could be saving our future family line from the damage we experienced."

And while on the subject, I've also learned that I can be toxic too. Honestly we all can. Yes it might be because we're a product of our own environment. But that's a reason, not an excuse. We all have the responsibility to make changes. This is something I learned that I have to continue to make changes when I notice myself doing something that isn't healthy. And I'm grateful to live in a time where we have more resources and outlets than ever in history. The stigma around mental health is changing and people are actually talking more about it and getting the help they need.

[ 9 ] You're going to feel alone sometimes.
- Life changes so quickly. And sometimes we can go through periods in life where we feel alone. But sometimes I might feel alone, I try not to get lonely. Strangely enough, I remember when I had the most amount of friends in my life is when I felt my most loneliness.

And now I'm a little more decisive about those closest to me and I feel more better. And honestly, It's pretty normal to go lengths of time without talking to friends or family sometimes. Life can get busy. And like i said before, nothing is permanent in this life. So getting used to doing things that make you happy while alone can help. But reaching out is always good too.

[ 10 ] What other people do and think is really a reflection of them.
- I'm sure you've heard this before. But it's true! If you're anything like I used to be, it's that if someone treated you bad, you think there has to be something wrong with you, or you had to have done something bad.

I see it two ways: 1 if you know you did something, and genuinely try to make things right and they still choose to be rude, that's a result of their own personality. Or 2, if you can't think of a single bad thing you did and you're losing sleep over it wondering why they are hateful towards you, I promise you did nothing.

Some people just have hate in their heart, or maybe are dealing with things we don't see and project it onto other people. Either way, stop thinking about it and move on. It's not our job to make people like us.