"ANXIOUS ATTACHMENT STYLE IS ALSO KNOWN AS PREOCCUPIED ATTACHMENT, MEANING THAT YOUR PARTNER MAY BECOME PREOCCUPIED WITH HOW THEY ARE PERCEIVED BY YOU AND ARE PREOCCUPIED OVERANALYZING THE RELATIONSHIP RATHER THAN ACTIVELY PARTICIPATING" THANKS GOOGLE
What I've learned is that an anxious attachment can result from when one or both of your parents were inconsistent with meeting your needs as a child. (Therapy has been very helpful btw. Highly recommend.)
It could mean your "caregiver" didn't always pay close attention to your needs. You experienced your caregiver as inconsistent or untrustworthy. You could have even had a good upbringing, but having those inconsistent feelings could result in AAStyle. Maybe you didn't get the attention or nurture you needed. And if you resonate with any of this, you could have an anxious attachment style.
When I first heard all this, I was shocked that the question as to why I have such strong feelings of insecurity in relationships even as a grown adult were just point-and-blankly answered.
I think about my dad when I was a kid. And the harm he did when overtime, became neglectful and abusive in my childhood. And I even think about the position it put my mom in. It made her not present. It made her anxious. It turned her on survival mode. And not only did it affect the relationship I had with my dad, it affected the one with my mom too.
And writing this I realize just how many people do not know this about my life because I've kept so much of my life private in fear of someone not believing my experiences, or not relating at all and judging my life. But you know what's real? The long-lasting effects it has on my day-to-day life. So ya, there's that.
SOMEONE WITH ANXIOUS ATTACHMENT STYLE MIGHT THINK OR FEEL:
Let's be real here. Do you relate to any of these? Because I relate to several.
And while not only having one of these problems makes you a bad person (even though they're really not good), the point is how excessive are we thinking, feeling, or doing these things? Are you causing more harm than good? If anyone hasn't said it yet, I'm sorry you have this problem. Because I personally know what it results from, I understand that your intentions are not to hurt someone. And I know that feeling of insecurity not just from relationships, but even more in yourself as a person.
The important thing is recognizing the things you're doing, and working hard to make better habits that lead to a healthier relationship.
So starting with the obvious, as a single person you would do better to look for a partner with the secure attachment style. Because it's really hard to create healthier habits in a relationship when they're doing the same problems back to you. Not impossible but very hard.
THINGS THAT HAVE HELPED ME
Self Soothing Techniques:
Why should you unlearn over-reaction? For starters, your partner does not deserve to feel like they have to walk on eggshells around you all the time. They deserve love the same way you do. Second, you become less credible. Kind of like the Boy Who Cried Wolf. Overtime, your outburst make you less believable. It makes it harder for others to listen. Over-reactive can lead to not being respected the way we need. You can find understanding and compromise with a mild-temper.
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Thanks for visiting my blog! Brookeosity is pronounced like Brooke + Curiosity combined. This is my Lifestyle blog based in Oklahoma. Here you will read about my love for Oklahoma, how I navigate through life as a twenty-something-year-old, and what motivates me! I write for women like myself who have transitioned to adulthood and are still figuring their lives out.